I have wanted to begin chronicling the experiences I have had thus far in my game development career for some time now, but I was always afraid of what I would say or how I would say it. I didn’t want to come across as winy or offensive or who knows. People get upset over the littlest things these days. Well, I finally decided, fuck it, I will just write whatever I want and hopefully I don’t offend too many people in the process. Can’t please all the people all the time, right? Or…something like that.
Anyway, a lot has changed in the past 6 to 8 months. The beginning of the year actually started off pretty decently. Kyle and I did the global game jam and released EYERIS, which was without a doubt our most polished game yet. We even got covered by Indiestatik and had our first review by TheIndieGamerChick! EYERIS was then released on XBLIG and became the first game we “officially” released. Which by the way is only 1$ so go buy that shit please so I can afford food. Everything was looking good. Until Kyle found other “priorities”.
It turned out that within a month of all the positive feedback and accomplishment I not only lost a business partner but a brother. Which is a hard thing to swallow if you have never experienced it. Usually with those things you just write the person off and say “Fuck you”, but when it’s family it cuts a lot deeper. And I miss it a lot, we were a good team and accomplished amazing things for two people who had just started out on a road to success. And we would have been successful, very successful. I respect him though. He did what he thought was right, and I had to do the same.
"The heart has it’s reasons of which reason knows nothing."
By the way, If you have never read House of Leaves by Mark Z. Danielewski, stop reading this shitty blog post and go buy the book. It will change your life. Or maybe it won’t?
So now that Kyle is gone I had two choices, give up, or learn how to code and push full steam ahead. Knowing how stubborn I am, of course I chose the second option. At first I was extremely frustrated and I felt like I was getting no where, but now things are starting to come together. I am working on the game I have always wanted to make, and it makes me feel that “ohsogooditfuckinghurts” feeling inside. I am no where near complete, and it is going to take awhile to not only learn to code the game, but to also do all the art and design and sounds and oh my god I will never leave my house again. But it’s worth it. It’s worth it to try to do something that pushes you to the limits. Because if I’m not going to do it, someone else IS and I am going to hate myself for at least not trying. I am not ready to give out the name or the details of the game yet, because even those are still being flushed out, but I will leave you with some screen shots if anyone is actually reading this and cares.
Thanks to anyone who actually read this, and sorry at the same time for my sometimes-not-so-great-grammar. I will keep a better update of my experiences and day to day stuff. That’s what this fucking thing is for right? Right.